Praise the Lord of all Hosts! Praise our loving merciful Abba Father! Who is the God who heals!!!!
The report came back yesterday that Dad’s lungs are normal! Halelujah!
Now, I’ve learned some great lessons in trusting God and being thankful for what I already have enjoyed and I don’t have to go through any further heartache to learn those lessons. God is truly amazing!
I can’t believe I’m here writing about the past week already: it all went by so so fast! I literally feel as though I just got on the bus and then the next day got off again.
If you didn’t know already this past week was my Spring Break and I had signed up for a mission trip with the ICC BU Young Group to go work on some houses down in Tennessee. The people we were helping out were flood victims from last year. We were coming on the tail end of the construction so mainly our work was things like dry walling, plastering, sanding, painting etc.
I tried to keep a journal, though it’s not complete of all the memories that took place. Here’s some of it:
3-12-2011
Last night I spent the night at Jessica Waibel’s house so I wouldn’t have to leave a car at Morton church all week. It worked out really well.
WE left pretty late this morning: the drive is only 8 hours. Of course we took the bus and I could not stay seated! It was so hard to stay in one spot too long as there were so many people to talk to and so many different games going on and I wanted to be a part of them all! The trip was fun and uneventful. I must say I do hope this group will be able to put up with me all week, I get so hyper sometimes.
We arrived at 6ish and ate supper: brats, beans, and carrots. We ate around a campfire in the dark and as much as I know they tried to feed us well there were rumors of finding fish parts in the beans…they did taste awfully strange. But no big deal
After that we found our cabins which happen to be really nice. They are all in the “Lodge” building which boasts of a grand porch and meeting room. I can tell I’ll be spending a lot of time on that porch as it overlooks a stream and serene woods. As far as the cabins go, they sleep 6 in bunks. There are 2 big closets and plant of space for luggage. 2 sinks, a HUGE mirror (great for the girls), and a bathroom for each room. It seems we’ve landed in the lap of luxury! 
The girls in my room are great. Right now only Brooke Streitmatter from Princeville is here. The rest will come tomorrow. I have a feeling this trip will be great just based off of today! I’ve already had some great “convos” played some fun games and fell so much more comfortable with this group than I thought I would.
I’m reading through 1 Peter this week and have already been blessed.
I can just tell God is on everyone’s minds. This will be a spiritual experience if anything. A great one.
Monday Morning
Yesterday, God was present indeed. Emily and I are in the Lodge drinking coffee and reminiscing on the day and we both had to just praise the Lord together.
On the way to church Sam taught me some sign language, and I was just soaking it in for Jamaica this summer. Both services were excellent and powerful. The church was tiny with a total of 11 regular attendees, 8 of which were members. I later found out that 8 were all in one family. So it’s not a very lively church but sweet anyway and lunch was great!
The rest of the day was ours to spend as we chose at the Camp. There a lovely…..oh my, Brooke is playing “You are my Sunshine” on a kazoo……field to play some Frisbee and volleyball. As fun as it was I fear I’m coming down with a cold in the worst of sorts and felt too sick to play much. I video taped instead.
Next we went for a hike with the intention of seeing a civil war tunnel that goes under the train tracks. The group was a funny one: Aubrey, Emily, myself, and a bunch of guys who were apparently directionally challenged as we lost our way a few times. We did find this tunnel eventually and were unimpressed. However, we did get to see a nice train go by.
Upon returning we prepared for supper: haystacks. (Where you pile a ton of food on your plate and eat it). Then it was “Orientation”.
After all that we met in the lodge for a Bible study led by Michel Elsasser. All I can say on it is wow! He really hit home with the topic of the Holiness of God and the wretchedness of us sinners and the beauty of His sacrifice. A singing followed.
Next we played a rather intense and HILARIOUS game of “I never”
After a lot of people left Sheryl, Emily, myself, and some of the guys stuck around in the lodge and ended up doing cartwheel contests, played limbo, and all sorts of funny things.
Twas a good day, however, last night’s sleep was NOT. I just hope this cold doesn’t get worse.
Tuesday
Monday I woke up bright and early and ready for coffee. It was too my despair that none had yet been made as I was among the first up. After assessing the situation I decided to make my own so as to enjoy it over my morning devotions.
I was assigned to a house called “Tuberville” (The owners last name.) and I, along with a small crew piled in a van and headed off to do some work! We were willing and ready. Our bosses were two old men: Larry Kaiser (brother to Leon Kaiser who goes to Peoria) and Richard Steffen from Forrest. Now, these two just made my day. They are polar opposites but obviously great friends. Larry was the head hauncho of the operation as he had the most experience. He liked to do things his way and he liked them done right…the first time. He did not like to train up a bunch of kids but would rather do the work himself. Larry has a bit of a gruff personality. Richard on the other hand is the sweetest man you’ll ever meet. Larry told him to do something and he did it without hesitation. He hugged everyone and was constantly complimenting us with: “Larry, these girls are alright! They really know how to work hard. I like these girls” and so forth. They were a blast to work with as we learned how to plaster and tape the drywall at this house.
The people living in the house were Jerry (the wife) and Jimmy, their daughters Destiny, Rachel, and one other I can’t remember, and their son Jimmy Jr who was 6 years old. Jimmy Jr. spent a lot of time with us.
The work day was long but we had fun and got a lot done.
We returned to take some freezing cold showers and have supper. After dinner was another awesome Bible Study led by Drew Martin from Princeville. The singing afterwards was enjoyable and we played games after that
This (Tuesday) was a bit of a gloomy day as far as the weather and work went. We continued our plastering at “Tuberville” for the morning but then went to another house (Jimmy B’s) to do mudding. After all was said and done, I think my lack sleep resulted in a lack of work ethic which brought my mood down a bit.
Jeremiah Sundown, a man they built a house for did a country gospel show for us. He did have some talent for singing, guitar, and comedy and for a country music hater, I thought the show was ok. I went to bed directly after that.
Wednesday
It’s been a strange day…….
Woke up and the weather was BEAUTIFUL! finally starting to warm up. I’d had a fine night’s sleep and I was ready to go!
At Tuberville we began the long process of sanding the upstairs to get ready for painting. Our crew was a good size up until lunch time when some of the girls decided they couldn’t sand anymore and had to go somewhere else. That left Cathy Kieser, Adam Funk, Richard, and myself to the rest of the job which took twice as long as it should have. Now, I know the girls had good intentions, but the job they said was done, was definitely not, and it took a lot of time to fix that little oversight. At the end of the day, though we rubbed our hands on the walls and felt them to be nice and smooth and ready for paint. I was white with dust
After work at camp we heard that one of the men here, Steve, that I’d worked with had had a small stroke. Another man, Stan Heimer, announced that his son was put in the hospital with heart problems. Clinton Leman found out that his Grandma, who he was really close to, who had brain cancer had taken a turn for the worse. He left during church and you could tell from his face some thing was wrong.
Through all this, part way through the day I gave mom a long overdue phone call. It was a great report on the animals and life at home up until she said this: “Now, Rebekah, I want you to know they did find something with Dad’s bile that can be fixed. The also found something on his lungs. They’ll do a CT scan sometime. We’re pretty shaken up……How’s the food?”
I put on a brave face and continued through the day. I told a couple of people that I feel close too, but all in all I’ve tried to forget. All I can do is pray anyway. A lot of my wants to wallow in self pity, but I’m refraining. Clinton deserves the attention and love more than I need it.
However, that doesn’t mean I can’t write my fears. The way mom worded it sounded serious. Honestly, I’m terrified that something very bad could be in his lungs.
Thursday
We arrived at Tuberville all ready for painting and saw to our horror that the homeowner had gone through the rooms we sanded and decided he was not happy with our work. He said it all had to be done over and then went on to demonstrate how ridiculously smooth he wanted it. So, instead of painting as we were planning, we got out the sanders and masks and bean the tedious work of sanding.
Cathy and I were the only ones there who had sanded the entire day yesterday and when we heard him say he wanted a better job done we just both melted with frustration. What he was asking us to do was way beyond necessary according to Larry.
However, we took in check our frustration and did it.
So anyway that may have set the mood to be pretty upsetting anyway. Well, sanding is so monotonous I just began to think about dad and about him being sick or in pain and I just broke down on the inside. Feeling subconscious of the other people around me I did my best to hold back the sobs but a few tears escaped anyway. I couldn’t bear to be in that house anymore, I had to get out and let go of my emotions and just cry. Tim and Becky’s house (another house World Relief and we were working on) was just down the road and we were to use their porta-potty. I used that excuse to escape and started walking down the quiet road. Still keeping my composure I did end up using that restroom and checked in on the workers there for a bit. Mark Keiser was there and I really felt like talking to him about it but knew I couldn’t without crying. So with a heavy heart I decided to slowly head back to Tuberville. My mind just kept saying I miss Dad, I want to be with him, but at the same time I’m scared to go home and face the reality of it. Halfway there I couldn’t take it. That is when I fell apart and cried hard. I needed a hug, encouragement, something, so I turned around and went straight to Mark. I had to walk past everyone and they all saw me crying, but I didn’t care. I was glad when Mark immediately took me outside to the porch where we could be alone. In his embrace I cried and he told me stories and gave me counsel. He told me not to be angry with God and through the hiccups I said I was not, just, why dad. We stayed there for what seemed forever. Finally, I felt able to get back to work.
From then on the tears didn’t stop till lunch. A couple of times I just sat in the dust in a corner and felt crushed. The thoughts going through my head were many.
At lunch I told Cathy Kieser and after a long hug from her, she took me on a walk as neither of us had any appetite. Her counsel and testimonies were so helpful and I am eternally grateful that God sent both she and her husband to help me out. I explained to her that I’m only crying because I don’t want Dad hurt anymore. I do still believe God is always good and I love Him and trust Him with all my heart.
After lunch I went into a zombie mode and just let my mind go blank. It needed the rest, and my body begged for a rest due to the violent sobs that racked it all morning, however, work still needed to be done, so we plugged away. We ended the day with everything thoroughly sanded, two coats of primer, and one coat of paint on the ceilings.
By the time we came home I began to search for God’s guidance in my mind. Psalm 18:1-2 came up: “I will love thee, O Lord of my strength…” That was when the peace began to soak into my heart and I suddenly felt a true joy. Of course I was still unhappy and upset, but that was no reason to feel ill toward God: he never promised happiness, but joy. It was with that joy and peace that I praised God with all my heart and learned to be grateful for the time that I have had with Dad, and gave up to Him the time that I have left. It was this attitude that carried through the rest of the week.
Once back at camp I got my Bible out ASAP to find more encouragement and help. Brian Schwind, one of the brothers on the trip with us was in the room and I asked how his day was so he automatically directed the question to me and, poor kid, I told him everything: the news, all my feelings, emotions, etc. He probably won’t talk to girls much anymore .
Well, though I did feel peaceful, I still knew that the Bible Study and singing would be hard. I hate to confess that I barely heard a word of Seth Kieser’s message on time management, but I also held back tears until the end which was an accomplishment. By the end, however, I was once again consumed with grief and ran outside to cry again. I felt broken as I cried to the sky, “God if you are teaching me a lesson through this trial, why do you have to hurt dad for it!” I realized the error in the statement and quickly remembered to be thankful and that God has a great plan for us and is always good.
That night I went to bed early as no games could lighten my mood at that point.
Friday
My first thought on this day was: “The crying is over, now I need to glorify God and learn.” So, I began the day like all the others: woke up before most and headed straight to the coffee maker. I made myself some coffee with cream and Emily Keiser some coffee with out cream. We then did devotions together. Around 6 we rose to prepare ourselves for the day, knowing we would meet again in the cafeteria soon. Once dressed I headed down a short walk to the cafeteria. Outside the sun was just beginning to turn the black sky to a grey blue color and the birds were starting their songs. Two huge trees displayed their full white blooms of spring flowers. I smiled and knew that God was with me.
In the cafeteria Emily and I sang goofy songs until more people showed up to eat breakfast. After breakfast during our daily “share time” I decided that instead of explaining the situation to everyone individually I would stand up and tell the group of Dad’s sickness and his lungs. This I did with a smile and told them of the peace I felt. I also requested prayers for the coming week would be a difficult one indeed.
I asked to go to another work site this day: I just couldn’t bear to go back to those Tuberville walls, so I was sent to Jimmy B’s house to do some mudding. The day was cut short as plans were made to spend the afternoon either canoeing or at the Grand Old’ opry hotel. By the time we were finished working, there was more mud on each other than on the walls, but we had fun.
Once at camp it seemed that plans were constantly changing as far as when we were leaving, who was going where, what vans to take etc. It became very chaotic and I changed my mind and thus my clothes over four times trying to decide what to do with the afternoon. I ended up choosing to go canoeing as the hotel was an hours drive away.
I’m glad I did what I did, for, though we all ended up getting tipped: we had a blast in the hot sun and the cool water.
That night was our “night out”. Stan had made reservations for us to eat at a restaurant. All fifty of us piled in vans then piled into the place. I felt bad for the poor waitresses as they tried to accommodate us. It ended up taking forever, but we had fun playing with our glasses of on the house drinks, straws, and silverware. The food was ok. I split a steak with Sheryl Huber.
That night Tim Schwind had a short message and the rest of the evening was devoted to sharing our experiences over the week. I just sat and listened to the many stories and testimonies. Of course, you know what I’m going to say next: a singing followed. The last song we sang standing: It is well with my soul. The great and beautiful sound that came out of that room cannot be compared to anything I’ve ever heard and I kept thinking to myself: its so true! It is well with my soul!
Knowing that we would only spend Saturday driving I decided I was going to stay up as late as everyone else. After the singing most of the girls went outside to pray and I was touched as they said a few prayers for me and my family. It was kind of strange however because almost everyone was in tears but I was smiling feeling an overwhelming sense of love and peace. As girls came to give me hugs and tell me they were praying I was so happy to tell them that my soul is at peace and I am just so thankful for what I’ve had thus far and that I know I can trust in God fully. This resulted in many testimonies and awesome conversations. I got to know so many of those girls on a deeper level than I’ve ever experienced before and will cherish the memory of that evening forever.
Saturday
Just as I said, we spent Saturday driving all day. The trip was a long one and I was glad for the one nap that I was able to take. I must confess I was a little annoyed at one point for a group of girls decided to sing through the entire Country Western Gospel hymns book at the exact time that I was trying to sleep, and they did it! Ah well, I survived.
We returned home at 6:00
This being the week of midterms, I decided I was not going to have time to blog about the horse fair. All I can say is it went GREAT! everyone understood the story that was being told: Cinderella. I already have an excellent plan for the next routine. Since I haven’t worked out the details yet, I can’t give much away, but I will say that it will be dramatic and a huge witness.
I decided on this idea when over the weekend I had a conversation with Karin. She said that all of this is such a huge gift from God. We aren’t rich or extra special, so for us to be showing off before so many people is purely a blessing. In church we always hear about using our talents for God’s glory. Now, I’m not going to brag, it’s only through a lot of practice and the personality God gave me, but vaulting and performing are some of my stronger talents and I’m blessed so much to have the opportunity actually use them! All Glory to the Lord of Hosts!
I try to use this blog to report on events in my life, because those are pretty interesting and things that I want to remember. But, very often I find myself talking about my spiritual journey and I think I’m about to do that again, so bear with me. Its just that I have been learning so much throughout my life. When I look back its amazing to see how much I’ve changed and to know that I still have an unfathomable amount of changing and growing yet to do. I don’t have time now, but I want to post my ENTIRE testimony here and then you’ll see too the work GOD (not Rebekah) has been doing, and will keep doing in me.
Anyway, lately I feel that I’ve been learning a lot of lessons. Things like being patient for the Lord’s plan (and I’ll just say it cuz I know your thinking it: by the Lord’s plan I’m referring to marriage), dealing with pride, seeking God’s will, hiding Gods word in my heart, etc. And, those lessons have stemmed from many trials, which may seem small to some, but are big to me in the long run, like frustrations with school is a main one. Lately I’ve felt like I’m in a limbo of sorts. I want to serve God wholly and I want to DO all this stuff, but I can’t because of how much school weighs me down. And, I know it’s important, but just this time of plugging through it all and always looking at the future LONGINGLY is a real downer. I look at Zach Knobloch and in my heart of hearts I want to make a big life change to serve God in a big way, but I CAN’T BECAUSE OF SCHOOL!!! And then people always say that when you’re young and single is when you can serve God the best, but it just so happens that, at least currently, that is not true. I guess the real frustration comes from when I try to sit down and prioritize with the intention of cutting things out of my life to make room for God, I realize that the biggest thing keeping me from that is impossible to cut out.
Well, from these frustrations have come many lessons which I am glad for. The biggest one is: Be still and know that I am God. It is becoming very clear to me that God doesn’t want me to go out and serve in a huge way, he wants me to quiet down and bask in His light (“For the Lord God is a sun and shield”). He probably knows that it would be too hard for me to do it without being full of pride and He knows that I’m probably not mature enough to handle it. And that makes me think, wow, God understands me better than I understand myself. Just when I felt like I knew what I wanted to do and what was best for me, God reveals that its…not. This all goes without saying that I know I’m to be a light where I’m at, and for now, I guess that’s IT. And I’m happy for that.
You know what else I’ve been learning. To love and trust in my Father in heaven above all things because NOTHING in this world is sacred. NOTHING is invincible. NOTHING will last for eternity save for God alone. Ulcerative colitis is a disease in which the immune system in the gut becomes deranged. It attacks the very body it is within causing said body pain and discontinues the normal functions such as digesting resulting in malnutrition. Though not fatal, it is an incurable disease which can only be “managed” through medications and eventually surgery. For those who have it, life is based around times of remission and times of pain and illness. Dad has this disease and praise be to God that a recent colonoscopy revealed that it is in remission. However, he is still experiencing pain and symptoms. This means there is something else wrong with him. This means testing. It means having hopes raised then crushed and raised again. It means uncertainty and causes worry and hope at the same time. I’ve heard of many people who have gone through this sort of thing, and I’ve been sympathetic toward them, admired their faith and strength, said a prayer, and moved on. In the back of my mind I always thought its easy for them to have great faith when going through trials. I have it good, so having faith is harder for me, therefore, I’m deserving of some praise or something. But that is not the case at all! Having faith and trust is not easier when your going through uncertainty and worry! Its terribly hard to have to say God is in control and knows what he is doing when you know that God could chose to take any life away in an instant. It goes against your whole being to give God glory when you feel so at his disposal. When everything is like thin ice you want to throw your arms up in despair and deny the Sovereign being who holds the world and has a plan for each person and has the power to plan for one individual to live in a constant illness.
So, having faith is not easy in times of medical trials and uncertainty. These are times when we look at life and realize everything is so fragile.Throughout the entirety of my life, I’ve pictured the future and imagined scenes such as embracing my dad after a walk down the aisle, presenting mom with her first grandchild over tears of joy, meeting dad over my lunch break just because we are in the same area of town, spending Christmas at “my parents house” with my brothers and sisters and their spouses and children, seeking mom and dad’s advice when I go through struggles as an adult, and taking care of them with a joyful heart when they are old because I know what they did for me all my life and to return the favor in everyway possible. But, it dawned on me that this is not to be expected, in fact it is hardly worth hoping for. Someone could die, they could find something terribly wrong in dad’s stomach through one of the tests, or any kind of disaster could strike this family and those daydreams could vanish instantly. NOTHING in this world is sacred. NOTHING is invincible. NOTHING will last for eternity
….except God.
Praise the Lord, and rejoice with joy unspeakable.
