I’m sitting here in my room staring at the blank page before me, contemplating whether I should post the events of today, one in particular in such a public place. I’m so embarrassed and ashamed….I’m just going to get it over with, for it is quite the story.
My day began well, nothing too spectacular besides the sudden drop in temperature and breaking out the winter coats before going on the walk. The walk was cold and windy and at one point freezing rain droplets stung our faces, but the conversation was bright for the most part and the love of my relatives filled me with warmth. I had extra time this morning, as my practical didn’t require me to get to school until 9:10, so I stayed awhile longer than usual; I knew no one would be home when I returned, so I decided I may as well enjoy the company. Once home, I still had about thirty minutes until I was to leave. I took my time picking out a professional outfit and doing my hair in a neat fashion. Anyone watching from the outside would have thought nothing of the morning as I piddled around, even humming to myself at times. They wouldn’t have known the small twinge I felt every time the wind caused some sound similar to someone opening our front door. I kept telling myself that I was being so silly. I was not afraid yesterday, and I should not be today. Life is no different this week than it was from last when I felt perfectly safe and content at home. Remembering the song “Safe in the Arms of Jesus” I said a quick prayer for God’s comfort, reassurance, and safety and prepared myself for a stressful day at school.
Practicals were in many ways not worth mentioning. We arrived, did our thing, and left. I feel I did well (at least, I haven’t gotten a phone call yet saying I failed…) nevertheless, coming home I was stressed to be certain. I knew that my day had hardly begun. I had planned to go to the lake somewhere around noon to give a presentation on horses and give pony rides to the Lighthouse Academy students on their fieldtrip, then I needed to clean Diane’s house, and after that, a fancy dinner for those who received scholarships this year. While driving home, I contemplated the busyness that would unfold and, first felt upset at it all (though most of it I volunteered for and was more than happy to do it), but then I remembered yesterday. I knew that if I didn’t have all this to do, I would be home alone. The thought didn’t set to well, so I sighed a sigh of relief at knowing that I would not be home all day, but busy doing things. Busy, and more importantly, with people.
As much as I wanted to go straight to the Lake where I knew there would be kids and teachers and people around, I had to stop at home to change into clothes more suitable for handling horses. I’ll go in quick and will not be in any danger. I thought. It was about 10:45 at this time and I stood in front of the fire for a quick warm up before going back out in the cold wind. Just standing there my thoughts wondered aimlessly. It was so quiet and peaceful at home . Then I heard the voices. At first I dismissed it as wind playing tricks on me, but to ease my mind I strained my eyes to see through the window of the door. I could just make out the bushes on the other side and decided I was just hearing things. There was no way anyone was coming home this early. I started to avert my gaze from the door, when dark figure appears through the glass. I felt my entire body react. My mind went into a terrorized state and I stood stock still, praying that it was nothing. My thoughts had barely completed a sentence when the door knob begins to shake violently. No family member or person with good intentions would do that. Feeling a sudden burst of adrenaline, I tore toward my parents room knowing that there was a door in there that I could escape from. I was so afraid I wouldn’t get out of the room before he was able to open the door. I was so afraid I would be seen and chased and cornered. I was so afraid and my mind told me This is it. This is happening to you and the odds are against you. I was blind in my wild dash, I can’t remember any of it.
I just know that at some point, between where I was standing and the bedroom, I must have stopped.
At some point I must have looked at the open door.
I must have stood long enough to focus on the person standing against the light.
I must have, at some point recognized my dear, lovely brother, and Anni coming in the door, laughing at their joke. I collapsed and tears began streaming down my face. “You have no idea what you’ve done to me just now.” I sobbed and realizing their mistake they each gave me a hug. “I was s-s-so af-f-fraaaaid” I cried into Ryan’s shoulder.
And it’s true. I have never been more afraid in my life.
Now, can you see my embarrassment? Here I live surrounded by cornfields and the sweetest neighbors and I get this wild idea from some police report that I could be the victim of some horrible crime and get all bent out of shape about it. If there was a chance of anything bad happening, which there wasn’t, but if there was, it would seem that I would have shown a complete lack of faith. No matter what, God is with me and I have no reason to fear even death. I can rest on the assurance that He is with me no matter what. How silly for me to react so dramatically.
The rest of the day was uneventful. Pony rides went perfectly, we used Ribbon the vaulting horse and Bunny, and the dinner was very nice.
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